The Ramblings of a Somewhat Unstable Mind

Posts tagged ‘Relationships’

Marriage, Anyone?

There must be a good reason that men aren’t marrying at young ages anymore. Sure, the majority of the girls out there would rather get married young, so that they can be closer in age to their children, giving themselves a much better chance at playing with their grandchildren and great-grandchildren while they can still walk, talk and play.

Love and Marriage.

Men, on the other hand, have seen too much, either in reality or on TV. More than 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, and a lot of women are getting caught cheating lately, either because they’ve become jaded and lost or their partners have changed. Men just don’t handle being dumped or cheated on very well. We cry, we throw things, we eat tubs of ice cream. We may even watch old reruns of Gunsmoke, marathons of Storage Wars, Criminal Minds and Law & Order.  Or, sometimes we do watch the odd football game with our mates and a few cases of ice cold beer. Please don’t hold that against us, it’s in our genes.

It’s third and nine at the ten-yard line…

There’s surely no shortage of beautiful women out there, and some of them are even nice girls. The problem a lot of men have with this is that they associate beautiful women with strippers, porn stars and hookers, or just above their status (as in, “she’s way too hot for me!”). Hey, don’t blame us, we were brought up in the age of the internet, where beautiful women make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year stripping in front of their laptops. Then there’s the sex-trade workers. There’s more women in the sex trade than there are pro sports players and amateurs combined. And since we usually root for the little guy, the long-shot or the downtrodden, guess which we pick? Football over women? Yeah, it happens every Sunday in most American households that have a mom and dad, 2 and a third kids and a 65 inch LED high definition surround sound home theater system.

The New Marriage.

Aside from facing a lifetime of being jealous and paying private investigators more than their weekend hookers, men are also more than ever facing their ultimate demise on top of worrying about whether or not they are being cheated on by their lovely, young wives. Our society has proven so much in the past century, on top of traveling into space (where, by the way, we realized that space was really big. We dreamed of space, we watched Star Trek and Star Wars and we wanted to fly scout ships to Alpha Centauri lll) we have wars and weapons races. Men have realized that life is short, and it shouldn’t be spent with someone who will most likely either crush your heart or catch you cheating on them. Woops, there goes the divorce settlement!

Why Get Married When…

Single men get to play with video games all night long, we have really big dogs and fast, 2-seat sports cars, fishing boats and cottages. You see, we realized that marriage is very expensive, and living alone we get to do whatever we want, whenever we want to do it and with whomever we want to do it with (as long as they are not overly intoxicated or drugged, and all are consenting adults). Our paychecks are ours, as small as they have become relative to the cost of things, and, well, mom did say that there were plenty of fish in the sea. She just didn’t mention that they were running out of fresh fish at the market, with so many women joining us in not wanting to marry young, the number of eligible bachelorettes has plummeted.

The New Marriage, Pt ll ?

Upon realizing that most married couples end up having scheduled sex, if it happens, men decided that maybe life would be better with girlfriends. Hey, it worked in high school and college. But then again, maybe those young, nubile and overtly sexy young women were just playing us along back then, making us think that yes, we were that good in bed! That yes, they did hang on our every word. That yes, they did worship the ground we walked on. Truth be told, they were just sizing us up, seeing how likely we were to be owning our own homes by the age of 25, 30 maximum. Those nights when we showed up at the houses that they were babysitting at? Casual, animalistic, acrobatic sex? Yes! But also probably trying to see how we’d likely be with kids. Conniving little things.

But, what about the kids?

It used to be that people stayed in loveless marriages so that their children wouldn’t be adversely affected. For the many millions of us who grew up in families where our parents didn’t so much as hold hands and their talking was most often in the form of fighting all the time, we didn’t see the advantage of being in a marriage just to have kids. So, what then? There’s always adoption. Or, better yet, we can get married to a really beautiful and fertile young woman, have kids early in the marriage and then catch them cheating on us while we’re at the weekend cottage, fishing and watching sports with our buddies. Instant divorce and most likely get the kids at least 1/2 of the time, if not all. Men who want to have kids usually have to marry to get them, whereas women don’t have this restriction.

The New Marriage, Pt lll ?

The Moral of The Story?

Not much, just venting. I grew up in a family that stayed together for the kids, and it can be more harmful than getting divorced. However, in many cases the wife was (not is!) the homemaker, the husband the breadwinner. Upon divorce, the husband had to pay his wife 1/2 of his income. Good deal if you can get it. It should have stayed that way…

Now, a lot of men are seeing the benefits of not being married when young, when concentrating on their careers no matter where they have to move to become successful and earn a good salary. Mix that up with the number of vibrant, smart and successful women who are putting marriage off for the same reasons, and there’s a whole lot fewer marriage-ready young people these days. After turning 30, most people have settled into their lifestyle and many are quite contempt. Thus, there`s a whole lot of people in their 30`s and 40`s who are just now thinking about getting married. Things have started to settle and move south, know what I mean?

Is this the death of marriage?

Okay, men, now’s our time! Women have never been so strong, so vibrant, so smart, so sexy and so successful. There’s never been a better time to marry a rich gal who works 90 hours a week at corporate HQ. Get married, have kids then get caught cheating on her after the second son is born, and live at the cottage on half of her income for the rest of our lives.

Sweet.

And, they went and changed these laws?

What’s wrong with society these days?

Marriage anyone? No thanks, we’re already married. To our smart phones, TVs, cottages and game systems.

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